had a dream in which Mavis Gallant replied my fan letter and my heart broke because it was dated exactly one day before she passed but just when I was about to say my heart broke to my colleague she said luckily it was a hoax the journalists didn’t do their job and Mavis was really still alive and I breathed and felt lucky about how lucky I was but then I wasn’t so lucky in other areas I have spent a whole miserable week trying to pull my shit together only to realize on Thursday that a certain depression has preceded everything to make everything depressing rather than there being anything depressing in particular and only to realize on Saturday night that it has been too much alcohol to the point where I am reluctant because alcohol and grunts and anything but reality really don’t solve anything and you can’t open a bottle thinking that it doesn’t solve anything because then you have wasted your money and your depression and rather than the usual sass and a half flirt you become a mean drunk and everything is still miserable except this time it doesn’t matter if anyone gets it anymore you only wish you are 70 and have skipped over all the parts that you will know won’t be worth it and isn’t the question always what the hell is the point anyway I used to live like that but then one day I recognized a spark of forever decided not to let it burn out in five four three two one seconds caught it in my hand felt its burn still feeling it why did I latch onto it what hole is it filling in my heart “I just want someone to love me” or “I just want someone to love” which problem am I trying to solve what am I being punished for what purpose am I serving in your life which is which what is what how do I make it stop people should be more careful about putting their feelings on the Internet I should be more careful about talking about being drunk in “real life”
11:11 AM • 9 March 2014
"The physical present demands so much and it’s not so easy to relive things. I savor them, but then I think, what’s the point? I am resigned to my forever doomed place as an unrequited lover of everything I experienced. When you chronically fall in love with things—events, relationships, moments—that can’t love you back in an equal way, it becomes easier to recognize and deal with everything in their transitory and unstable states.”
—Email to Jessie in January
23:10 PM • 7 March 2014
IF I CAN JUST MAKE EVERYTHING STOP
13:31 PM • 6 March 2014
And the heart weeps silently.
22:05 PM • 2 March 2014
D. H. Lawrence, Sea and Sardinia, the best first paragraph, possibly ever
08:47 AM • 28 February 2014
"Therefore, ‘I love you,’ means ‘I can agress against you in certain ways that you allow’"
happy valentines from edgar rivera-colon (via slcteacherisms)
Marina Abramović, Rest Energy, 1980
"Only love entitles one adult to make another suffer."
—Malcolm Harris on Amour
(Source: basementfag, via slcteacherisms)
15:09 PM • 27 February 2014
My So-Called Life 1994
You are one of those people I’ll run to meet.
09:57 AM • 24 February 2014
State champs Super 8 vibe (at Super 8)
09:40 AM • 22 February 2014
"You have always wanted to marry your best friend, which just makes sense. After all, why should you have to choose between your friends and your significant other when you can have both? You want to be with someone who is the first person you go to whenever anything exciting or cool happens, because you know that they will be just as excited as you. Favorite activities: making fun of bad movies together, craft beer tastings, late-night pizza and gigglefests."
—I’m in friend-love with probably everyone in my life. Go universe.
00:06 AM • 18 February 2014
Caitlin Rose covers Pink Rabbits by The National.
20:25 PM • 14 February 2014